For those of us who've experienced bad relationships, such as an abusive or distant earthly father, God's love can be a really hard concept to wrap our minds around.

Having had both an abusive father and ex-husband, understanding God's love was a journey for me. And one of the major ways that God has shown me His love is through my prayer time.

So in today's episode, I'm going to share those four specific items/experiences - so that you, too, can be on the lookout for them and recognize them for what they are.

Show Notes:

• Intro

  • Prayer...it can be a really tough subject in and of itself, right? Just like the topic of God’s love. A lot can be said about prayer. There’s tons of material out there to be found. But where I want to focus on today is how God can show you His intimate, vast, loving character through your prayer time.

  • But before I dig into that, I want to take a few brief moments and dispel some myths or mis-teachings about prayer - simply because I want to set you up for success. If I just dive into what we’re going to discuss without laying a legit, Biblical foundation, and ensuring that we’re all on the same page, it could cause confusion. Or keep you from experiencing what God has for you.

  • So, first thing, I want you to understand that prayer should be consistent - but not religious.

  • What do I mean by that? So, here’s the thing. God wants you to talk to Him, and spend time with Him, on a regular basis. One, because He just loves and adores you. But, two, because it means you’re in His presence on a regular basis. As we all know, with any relationship, steady communication is key. God wants to keep you near Him where you’re loved, and protected, and you can grow together.

  • Another way to put it is this: You should have a regular, consistent dialogue with God. Whatever that looks like. For me, I have prayer time at my table right after breakfast. Before I clear my dishes, and get my shower, and get pulled into my day. For you, it could look differently. Different time of day, maybe multiple times a day, etc.

  • However, some people teach that prayer needs to be religious - which is the opposite of what I’ve just stated. That instead of it being a wonderful conversation that you have with God - it’s a chore. They’ll say you need to pray X times a day or for X amount of time. And the longer you pray, the better. That kind of stuff is hogwash - pure and simple.

  • Chatting with God is a joy. And just like with any other relationship, it needs to be consistent - and overall you need to keep time with Him a priority. But it’s not something that God wants to weigh you down with.

  • So that’s the first thing.

  • Second, the focus of prayer is not about getting stuff.

  • Now, let me be clear. That does not mean we can’t ever ask God for help, provision, or bring needs before Him. In fact, the Bible specifically tells us to do that. 

  • Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

  • In other words, God doesn’t want us to worry. About anything. (Which seems crazy, right? But it’s true.) Instead, He calls us to come to Him with a heart of gratitude for what we do have (which, btw, helps to ease anxiety) and ask Him for what we need.

  • So it’s not that we can’t ask God for things. The issue is that some people teach that prayer is all about asking for things, as if God is a genie, versus having a two-way, loving conversation. And this can be told in two ways. One, it can be made to sound religious. So the harder and longer you pray, the more likely you are for God to say yes. Or, two, it can be made to sound like God is a genie and if we just ask, He’ll give. 

  • All that to say, prayer can include bringing your needs and concerns to God. But that’s not why it exists. God wants relationship with us - and He also wants us to partner with Him in the work that He’s doing.

  • Alright, so now that we’ve cleared the air and set us all on the same foundation, I want to share how God has used prayer to reveal His love for me, specifically, and His loving character in general.

• 1) God desperately wants to spend time with you and connect with you

  • As I mentioned in the intro to the episode, God’s love can be a difficult thing to figure out if you’ve come from some bad relationships, right? And it can be even more difficult if you’ve been exposed to a stark religious environment where God is portrayed as this really overbearing, angry God who just wants you to follow orders and keep you in line.

  • What I’ve learned, though, is that God just wants time with you. Intimate time - such as in prayer. And this can take many forms.

  • Back in my 20s, when I was Saved, I was into journals. I forget the name of the company, but there was this one company that made these really creative journals with a magnetic flap. And I’m not a journaling person by nature. In the sense of keeping a diary and writing things down about my day - that kind of thing. 

  • But I loved these journals so much, I decided to write down my prayers in them. (Which, being married to my ex-husband at the time who remained an unbeliever for our entire marriage, that was often less awkward than praying out loud like I do now.)

  • Unfortunately, I wasn’t that consistent with it. But I vividly remember God nudging me one day, through the Holy Spirit, and communicating to me how sad He was that I didn’t write more. That He liked me writing to Him.

  • At the time, I didn’t really get it. Because when you’re raised in an environment where you’re either ignored or only treated horribly when you are acknowledged...when you don’t really understand what a healthy relationship looks like...these things can initially go right over your head. You just don’t understand. And that’s what happened to me during this timeframe.

  • Now, though, many years later, I totally get it. In fact, I get it more in the context of God wanting to spend time with me than in the context of people - ‘cause that’s how much progress there’s been in that area. 

  • Even if I don’t go into my morning prayer time with anything already on my mind to say, I often just start praying/talking to God anyway because it ensures we have time in each other’s presence.

  • So, ladies, even if you’re in the place where I used to be...and you’re not really sure why God wants to be with you so much...make it a consistent thing anyway. After all, the only way to get to know someone better is to spend time with them.

• 2) God will gladly listen to anything you want to share

  • Ladies, prayer does not have to be this formal affair. And God will listen to anything you have to say. Could be something you and He are working through; could be something a co-worker did that really ticked you off yesterday; could be something completely random.

  • Whatever it is, God is all in. He’s all in. I mean, we literally cannot waste His time because He’s, well, God! So that’s the first thing. And, also, He isn’t going to be offended, or lash out, or tell you you’re crazy or stupid...He’s actually the safest place you could ever ask for.

  • When I pray (which I do out loud), I’m often processing things at the same time. I’ll have something that I need to figure out and, since I’m unattached and live alone, He’s my main sounding board.

  • So it’s not uncommon for me to “ramble” on for 10, 20, or even 30 minutes on a topic, big or small, as I talk out a solution. I’m verbally processing. And He gladly listens the entire time. Sometimes He just gives me space to talk and figure it out just by speaking it through. And others He prompts me in order to help.

  • And a lot of times, I say funny things just to kinda “hear” Him laugh.

  • Whatever you got going on...don’t be afraid to share it with Him.

• 3) God always answers prayer - and always in your best interest - even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time

  • This point relates to one of our myths at the beginning of this episode. If you’ve been taught that God will grant anything if you just ask, or if you ask hard enough, this issue can get real dark, really fast.

  • Because if you ask for something, and it’s not happening, what’s the result? Despair? Hopelessness? The belief that you’re at fault because you’re not doing it right?

  • Again, God has absolutely no issue with you asking Him for things. In fact, He wants you to. And unless you’re asking for something completely outside of what’s Biblical, He will answer. 

  • The core issue here is this: we do not control how God answers. He does.

  • Prayer is relational conversation. God doesn’t care if you ask in some long elaborate prayer - or you ask in three succinct sentences. That doesn’t matter so much.

  • We can’t control God’s answer by praying longer or harder or more formally.

  • What God does care about, though, is YOU. He has your best interests at heart. Even though, a lot of the time, we can’t see that. Because (a) we don’t have the same view as God. We “see through a glass darkly” as the scripture goes. God sees short and long-term. We usually tend to see short-term. God is weaving together a Kingdom and plans and all kinds of things together in ways we obviously can’t see.

  • And, (b) God wants more for us than we are capable of wanting for ourselves. He wants us to reach the kind of potential that only He can help us reach.

  • That’s why our prayers can often seem unanswered. We pray, a lot of the time, asking after a specific outcome. We’re focused on this one thing. And could He please deliver it this one way?

  • But God has our best interests at heart. So maybe the prayer is “Yes” - and He provides what we asked for. Might not be via the way we anticipated or thought, but He says “Yes.”

  • Or maybe the answer is “Not now.” Maybe He’s got a specific timeline and so He’s withholding that thing, whatever it is, until a certain time. Not because He’s mean. But because He has a greater gift or blessing in mind. Or because He wants to bless or involve someone else. Or maybe He’s focusing on inward changes within us - removing idols, setting us free from something, helping us to understand something about His character better or even what we’re capable of (as a lot of us ladies devalue ourselves).

  • So in essence, “Now now” is a “Yes” … we just need to be patient.

  • Or, maybe the answer is “No.” Maybe what we’re asking for just won’t be necessary; maybe God has something else planned for us. Something better or just different. Maybe we’ve started down a path that’s leading somewhere dangerous or away from God, and so He’s saying “No” because He loves us. We’re His daughters. He doesn’t want to encourage or help bring about something that will do us harm.

  • Again, God sees so much more than we do. About everything. So when a prayer isn’t being answered, at least the way we’d like, the question isn’t, “Why is God not loving?” It’s “How is God being loving in this moment?” And seek out the answer to that question. You can even ask Him directly. 

• 4) God uses the Holy Spirit to guide your prayers

  • The Holy Spirit seems to get a bad wrap. Unless he’s descending on someone and making them do crazy things, I feel like he tends to get overlooked a lot of the time. 

  • But he’s actually one of the best gifts we have ever gotten from God.

  • I forget where I read it recently. But you know how when God led the Israelites out of Egypt, he appeared to them as a giant cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night?

  • I know a lot of us, myself included, can look at events like that and think, “Man...wouldn’t that be amazing? One, to actually see God? (Or at least a visual representation of Him.) But also to have Him around 24/7. Right there!”

  • Well, I read something recently, in a book I think, that we have something even better than that. We have the Holy Spirit.

  • We have God in us. That’s what the Holy Spirit is.

  • God is with us 24/7/365 - in us. It’s really crazy when you stop to think about it.

  • And when it comes to my prayer time...I’ve found that Romans 8:26-28 is totally true: “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”

  • When I’m in my prayer time, it’s not uncommon for me to feel a Holy Spirit nudge or two. I can be praying over things I’ve specifically brought to the conversation, and the Holy Spirit will prompt me to pray about a specific aspect, or person, or solution. Or, I can be praying, going down my list, and he’ll prompt me to pray for something completely unexpected. Or someone that I wasn’t thinking about at the time.

  • The Holy Spirit is always aligned with God’s will. He’s a true compass in that sense. And if you give him space, he’ll help guide you in the right direction.

  • Again, it’s not about religion. It’s not like we need to follow a specific formula. Or if we don’t pray certain things the world misses out or God can’t go through with His plans. 

  • It’s about the Holy Spirit being a conduit for God to speak to us. He can use the Holy Spirit to prompt us - but also to communicate feelings and humor. 

  • It’s a two-way conversation, remember?

  • God wants to listen to you...and He wants to speak to you in turn.