Hard Truth: Survivor mode and a thriving relationship with Jesus cannot co-exist.

Why? Because survivor mode is a short-term, fear-based way of thinking. Sure, it's a common mode to form when we've lived through abusive relationships; starting over from square one; dire financial hardship; or any other experience where the bottom seemingly fell out from under us.

But we want to move closer to Jesus. We want to be empowered by Jesus. And our identity *is* in Jesus. Which means that, ultimately, a survivor mode has no place in our relationship with Jesus.

In today's episode, I’m going to cover 3 major ways our survivor mode negatively impacts our relationship with Jesus - and how we change that moving forward.

Show Notes:

• Intro

  • Alright, ladies. So as I mentioned in the intro to this episode, survival mode is defined as a short-term, fear-based mode of thinking. It forms when we’re living through situations where we find ourselves focusing on survival.

  • For example, being in an abusive relationship where you have to constantly walk on eggshells and you’re never sure what’s going to happen.

  • For example, my ex-husband, who was not a Christian, was very manipulative and he loved to make unwise financial decisions and cause general chaos. Leaving me to constantly struggle with balancing the budget and ensuring things didn’t upend.

  • When my ex-husband decided that we were getting a divorce, I literally started over with a degree but no job; a few thousand dollars in the bank; my (then) dog; and what possessions could fit into my CR-V. And I proceeded to rebuild my life literally from scratch.

  • Now, don’t get me wrong, God was totally with me when my marriage fell apart. In a super large, unmistakable supernatural way. But my point is that, after a manipulative marriage which followed an abusive childhood, I was very acquainted with living in survivor mode.

  • Which means I was always trying to anticipatie what would happen - and wondering how I could prepare for it? Always thinking in the mindset of just surviving - versus thriving. 

  • And if you’ve experienced similar things, you get what I’m saying. Even when God is walking with you, when He’s right there, and you’re thriving in some ways...for example, even during my marriage, God was changing me and working on who I was...we can still be operating out of this survivor mode.

  • But what happens when we’re no longer in those situations? When God has brought us out of whatever the situation is - like when my marriage fell apart and I was no longer yoked to my ex-husband? When my life was now my own?

  • What happens if God is calling you to something more while you’re still in that type of situation? 

  • Because, ladies, God desires more for us than just surviving. Mere survival is not His plan. He also wants a deep relationship with us.

  • But if we’re still operating out of this survivor mode, we’re not in a place where our relationship with Jesus can flourish. We’re not in a place where Jesus can do all the amazing things that He wants us to do in us and through us.

  • So let’s look closely at 3 major ways our survivor mode can impede things. 

• 1) When we are operating out of survival mode, we’re operating out of fear - not faith.

  • At the core of our relationship with Jesus is faith. In fact, our relationship starts with choosing to believe that we’re sinners - and that Jesus died for our sins.

  • From that point on, faith is at the center of the relationship. We can’t see the whole picture, but we choose to believe that Jesus knows what He’s doing if he calls us to go here, do this, or submit something to Him.

  • Faith is how we follow Jesus. It’s how He grows us. We step out in faith, and He meets us there. 

  • But the opposite of faith is fear. And, again, a survivor mode is us operating out of fear. 

  • So instead of trusting Jesus, we live as if we can’t trust Him.

  • For example, we can’t bring ourselves to spend money on something we enjoy - for fear we’ll be in dire financial straits. (Even though Jesus just gave us an amazing-paying job.) Or we don’t want to join the Church community that He’s specifically led us to because we fear that we’ll just end up hurt like in times past.

  • Or we won’t step out in faith and start house hunting, even though Jesus has told us to, because we can’t see how it could happen given the logistics.

  • These are just a few examples. But these are the kinds of things that we think, right? This is how we react. 

  • Fear says that something bad will happen if you dare to do this. Faith says you should dare to do this because Jesus is calling you to and He has Your back - even if you can’t see how this will work out.

  • Can you see how the two work in opposition? Therefore, we can’t have a faith-filled, flourishing relationship with Jesus if we’re still operating from a place of survival. 

• 2) When we are operating out of survival mode, we’re not really open to receiving what Jesus has in store for us.

  • Or, to phrase it another way, Jesus can’t do the things He wants to do in our lives, and lead us where He wants us to go, because we’re not open to it. Whether we realize it or not.

  • Again, survival mode is centered around fear. And if you’re fearful, you’re not going to be open to a lot of change. Instead, you’re going to be highly focused on maintaining the status quo. Keeping things as they are - predictable, under our control, without the floor falling out beneath us.

  • I totally get this. I’ve lived in survivor mode for decades. It simply becomes your way of life, your modus operandi, and it just seems prudent given what we’ve endured. We know what it’s like to lose it all, or walk on eggshells on a daily basis, or constantly wonder if things are going to get worse.

  • So we do things like count out how many onion rings we’re baking for dinner because we automatically ration our food just in case. We pinch pennies. We don’t buy anything “extra” that brings us joy. 

  • We also don’t dream; don’t wish for things or experiences; and don’t look at life as anything but maintaining the bare necessities. 

  • But here’s the thing: if we continue to live like that, we can’t possibly be open to receive all the amazing things He wants to do in us and through us. And give us.

  • Jesus is so good, He doesn’t want to give us something we can’t fully appreciate. Or get the most out of it. He loves us so much, He wants to change us on the inside so that when He gives us something, we can truly enjoy and savor it.

  • But if we’re in survivor mode, and our vision is so narrow, and we’re not open to receiving outside of that narrow vision of our world, how can Jesus give us those really good gifts? 

  • In addition, Jesus also has the big vision and wants more for us than we could ever imagine. He knows how far we can be stretched, up-leveled, and made more like Him. However, survivor mode means we’re not trusting Him to do that.

  • And let’s also remember that the Enemy would love nothing more than for us to continue to live this way. He doesn’t want us to be transformed; to trust God; to heal and find our way in helping others. He doesn’t want us to experience joy and love and blessing. Instead, He’d love nothing more than for us to keep living in our small, lonely, survivor box.

  • But ladies...that’s not what we’re made for. Our identity and empowerment comes from Jesus. It’s not necessarily an easy process, letting that go. But we start by recognizing it and submitting it to Jesus - and asking for His help.

• 3) When we are operating out of survival mode, we can’t enjoy what Jesus has for us.

  • Jesus doesn’t want us to just survive. And survivor mode is all about what we feel we have to do. (In order to make it through.) But Jesus wants us to enjoy things in life. To really take things in; open ourselves up to new experiences; do things that God created us to do and that brings us joy.

  • Look, we live in a fallen world and so life is never going to be super easy or without challenges or pain. But Jesus is our rock. He’s got plans for all of us - though it looks different for everyone. 

  • Jeremiah 29:11 says, “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

  • After my ex-husband told me that we were getting a divorce, and I moved back in with my mother, God pointed me to this verse. And we can’t look at this verse through the lens of survivor mode. 

  • How wrong would it be for us to look at the end of that scripture, where it says, ‘plans to give you the future you hope for’ and limit Jesus? 

  • To only hope for the bare necessities and the maintaining of the status quo - as if the King of Kings and Lord of Lords can’t do anything more than that? As if He isn’t interested in helping us heal, and evolve, and grow into a new version of ourselves? 

  • Jesus put me in a wilderness season last year to bring me back into relationship with Him after being adrift for a while. And one thing that He pressed upon me, as I was praying for financial provision, was that I needed to widen my vision. 

  • He wasn’t saying that it was wrong for me to ask for help. But my vision was so narrowly focused. I was in survivor mode, but Jesus wanted me to start expanding my vision beyond my own little world. I took that to heart and today, as He’s revealing what He’s up to in a bigger picture type of way, I can look back on that and see the wisdom in it. 

  • I wouldn’t be able to enjoy and appreciate and savor what He’s doing in my life, if I hadn’t learned to widen my vision. 

  • And even in this current season, as I’m waiting for Him to answer prayer and put some things in place, I get the sense that those haven’t happened yet because the timing is being woven into the bigger picture. And because He also wants me to fully enjoy some of the things that are coming.

• So if you’re listening to this, and you recognize that you’ve been living in survivor mode, and you want to move forward, what can you do?

  • First, take it to Jesus. Place the issue of survivor mode as His feet. Tell Him that you don’t want to operate from that place moving forward and ask for His help.

  • Second, start retraining yourself to widen your gaze and see a bigger picture. We’ll never see the entire picture - like Jesus sees. But we can look up from our own situation and take in what’s going on around us. What is Jesus doing? How is He moving? Where is He weaving our lives and experiences with others?

  • Third, take notice of when and where and how your survivor mode appears. And then retrain yourself. Are you still counting onion rings? Allow yourself to finish the bag. Are you used to not buying yourself new clothes unless you need to? Treat yourself to some new clothes just because! We all have specific ways this pops us, and not just with finances or physical goods. So become more aware of where this happens in your own life - and retrain yourself accordingly.