We all make mistakes. We sin. We make errors in judgment. And sometimes, we simply don’t know better. (Life is, after all, a journey.)

No matter the type or size of the mistake, it’s only natural to look back and wish we had chosen differently.

But what if you can’t move past it? What if it keeps coming back to the forefront of your mind in a way that’s burdening your heart and soul?

Sister, that unhealthy place is NOT what Jesus wants for you. So today, I’m going to arm you with three major reasons as to why you need to give those regrets to Jesus and keep them there!

Show Notes:

• Intro

• Hello there, sister. So…if you’re listening to this episode, I want you to know right off the bat that you are NOT alone. 

• Every woman has regrets. And I know from personal experience that, when you’re early on in your journey of Jesus-based empowerment, it can be very easy to get caught up in the self-blame game. And this can sometimes be helped along by toxic people or relationships, or abusive childhoods, where you’re being blamed or made to feel stupid, silly, or inferior.

• Something inside of you desperately wants to become a more empowered woman…but yet you’re chained to a wall of regrets. All the while believing the lie that you can’t possibly move forward due to your past.

• Well, guess what? That is *exactly* where Satan wants you to be. The last thing he wants is for you to grow closer to Jesus; to become more like Jesus; to understand your real value and identity in Jesus; and be empowered in Jesus.

• And in order to keep you from all of those things…in order to keep you from moving forward and making progress…he’s going to use whatever he can - including a toxic cycle of regret.

• And that kind of cycle is satanic. Because it’s sure not from God. If your mistake was a sin, and you’ve repented and given it to Jesus and asked His forgiveness, then you’re forgiven and seen as clean. Isaiah 1:18 says, “‘Come now, let’s settle this,’ says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.”

• So you may still wish on some level that you hadn’t sinned…that you had chosen differently…but you’re absolved of it. God isn’t holding it over your head, wanting you to spend time and energy focusing on something you can’t change.

• Satan, however, loves to get us off course. And if you’re not careful, he can get you into a place where you start doubting who you are; what you’re worth; and what you’re capable of (especially with Jesus), as well as where you start forgetting who God is; His character and sovereignty; and how He cares for His children.

• So…you need to fight back. And to help you do that, I’m going to arm you with three major, motivating truths. Truths that are going to help widen your perspective - from where it’s currently pigeon-holed - to the bigger picture. 

• 1) This type of regret cycle can keep you chained to the past instead of embracing your future.

  • You’re a Jesus empowered woman in training, right? You want to go from where you currently are to a stronger, more Jesus empowered version of yourself. 

  • That means following Jesus as He takes you, step-by-step, onward and upward. Every day, every hour, you’re growing in Jesus. Opening yourself up to His healing, instruction, teaching, supernatural workings, the broadening of your mind in regards to who you are and who He is, etc. With all of that, you’re moving away from your past and towards your future.

  • BUT - in order to continually embrace that future, which includes the changes that Jesus is making in the present, you can’t be focused on the past. If you’re focused on the past, and things you’ve done - even if they happened before you came to Christ - then you’re closing yourself off to your future.

  • I know this from personal experience. When I was in the early stages of my own journey, when I also had little to no self-esteem or confidence, and was also in a toxic marriage, I would mentally beat myself up over a lot of things. Over sin I had committed, or mistakes I had made because I was naive or didn’t know any better…it didn’t matter. I was very hard on myself and then continued to chew on it and weigh myself down with regret.

  • But Jesus was moving me forward. He had SO much more waiting for me…things I would never have dreamed of back then. It’s the same for you, I guarantee it. But in order to embrace everything that Jesus has for you…in order to blossom into the strong, Jesus empowered woman you were created to be…your focus has to be forward. Not backward.

  • Which, again, is why Satan loves to get stuck in cycles where we’re looking back to the past instead of keeping our eyes on Jesus on the path ahead of us.

• 2) This type of regret cycle can keep you from being vulnerable and building relationships.

  • When we’re focused on a regret, we tend to be laser-focused on the situation itself. Where we were; the circumstances or context; what we think we should have known or recognized at the time; and what we did or didn’t do.

  • The danger, though, isn’t just in focusing on the situation or event. There’s also the hidden danger of losing your sense of identity, value, and self-worth. Because as you’re constantly engaging with this regret cycle, the more you’re associating your identity, value, and worth with that *one* situation. That *one* moment in time.

  • Not to mention, you’re also giving more power to your version of a memory instead of remembering God’s power. For example, His power to take any mistake that we’ve made and use it for good, weaving into the tapestry of life that He’s making. Or His power to use our stories to help others. Or His power to forgive us and love us no matter how badly we think we’ve screwed up.

  • And the more you go down this path, which is already unhealthy enough, the more you’re going to go inward. Because you’re going to feel less worthy, less confident, and less loveable.

  • That, of course, is going to affect your relationships. Old and new. And it’s going to affect your relationship with Jesus as well as your human relationships. Or, at the very least, it’s highly likely to because the issue isn’t who else is in the relationship - but how you’re viewing yourself.

  • And relationships are key, right? Your human relationships (friends, family, co-workers) and your relationship with Jesus most of all. Which brings me to #3…

• 3) This type of regret cycle can stunt your growth in Jesus.

  • I’ve already touched on this from a couple other angles in this episode, but it bears calling out on its own. Because your entire growth as a Christian (which literally means a follower of Christ) and, within that, a Jesus empowered woman is based on your relationship with Jesus.

  • Your walk with Jesus - along with humility to God, consuming the Word, being knowledgeable, etc. - is how you grow, right? Jesus is your teacher, provider, protector, friend, husband…all of the things. And as He fills those roles, He’s teaching you, refining you, molding you, loving you, supporting you and cheering you on, healing your hurts and wounds...etc.

  • But if you’re in a bad regret cycle…and you’re looking backward, onto the past, versus at Jesus in front of you…if your identity, value, and sense of worth becomes less about who you are in Jesus (or in God) and more about one event in your life…causing you to go inward and be less open and vulnerable, negatively affecting you relationships…then your growth in Jesus can’t help but be stunted.

  • All of the things needed for growth…looking forward; understanding your identity and worth through God; and building your relationship with Him and with the people He specifically puts in your life…can be thrown off course by a heavy mantle of regret that God is NOT in any way asking you to carry.

  • In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus says: 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart [italics mine], and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

  • Jesus does not want you to wear a heavy yoke of regret. It doesn’t matter how big or bad you think the sin or mistake was. That is NOT what Jesus wants for you.

  • What He wants is for you to yoke yourself with Him so that He can take that burden from you. Sometimes, I refer to this on the podcast as us laying something at His feet. It’s a different analogy, but the meaning behind it is the same.

  • This regret that you’re carrying - whatever it is - is not meant to be something that’s so incredibly heavy that it crushes you. As verse 30 says, “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light [italics mine].”

• Wrap-up

  • So here’s what I want you to do, sister:

    • 1) I want you to take the three main reasons or points that I’ve shared with you today as hardcore motivators. Words of wisdom, sure, but also words that motivate you to declare, starting right now, that the cycle you’ve been in needs to stop. That it’s simply not acceptable.

    • 2) I want you to give it to Jesus. I know that may be easier said than done, especially if you’ve been mentally chewing over - or engaging with - this regret frequently. Give yourself some grace. But I want you to imagine yourself holding this regret in your fist, as if it were a physical object, and opening up your hand and handing it over to Jesus. And when you’re uncurrling your hand, uncurl your heart and mind from it as well. Give it to Jesus, place it in His control, and ask for His help in letting it go.

    • 3) If there is anything - or anyone - who is keeping you tied to this regret, remove it - or them - as much as possible. It’s not just us that Satan uses to get us in these types of cycles. He’ll use other people or situations, too. So identify those elements and, as much as you can, distance yourself from them. Severe ties if you have to…sometimes, these things can be indicators that we’ve been hanging onto relationships that simply aren’t healthy and need to go. I’m not saying that’s the case for everyone in your life, or everyone listening to this episode, but I feel compelled to mention the possibility.

  • Alright, sister. I hope that this episode has radically changed how you view the heavy regret that you’re carrying - and helped you see that it’s not a load you’re being asked to carry. Nothing - absolutely nothing - good is going to come from it. You’re a smart lady; you’ve already learned from your mistakes. Just like the rest of us. 

  • But it’s time to end it there. No more heavy burden. No more endless regret cycle. No more engaging with something that’s only harming you in more ways than you probably realized. Jesus wants more for you - and He has your back. Give it to Him and, as the infamous song says, let it go. Cheers!