What do you do when the bottom falls out from under you?
When you're suddenly facing a divorce, illness, loss of income, or anything where the ground no longer feels solid beneath your feet?
In those moments, we can choose to trust Jesus - or not.
Back in 2011, after almost ten years of marriage, I started my life over with a divorce, my dog, a degree but no job, and whatever possessions could fit into my CR-V.
It could have easily been the darkest period of my life. Yet Jesus showed me, in three specific and powerful ways, that I can trust Him with literally everything and anything. Join me, friend, as I share my story and our Savior's unwavering love.
Show Notes:
Intro
Trusting Jesus...it sounds so simple and yet sometimes it can be so, so hard. Especially when things take an unexpected turn or we’re facing something that’s truly life-changing. A divorce. An illness. A loss of income. That’s when our faith is truly tested.
But it’s also when our faith is truly expanded. When Jesus gets in there and does the work that only He can do. (If we let Him.) He takes our faith to the next level. He takes who we are as a person to the next level. And I know that from personal experience.
So back in 2011, I separated from my ex-husband. I had been married about 9 years at that point. I had gotten married in my early 20s for the wrong reason - financial security. And also because I felt alone and wanted to be loved.
However, my ex-husband turned out to be highly manipulative and emotionally abusive. God Saved me two years into my marriage and, despite the daily chaos and situation I was in due to my marriage, He worked on me and in me and I started to change.
My ex-husband, however, wanted nothing to do with God. In fact, he was into dark things. So I was drawing closer to Jesus - and he was drawing away from him and closer towards the Enemy.
In the months leading up to our separation - which happened suddenly - I could actually see God trying to woo my ex-husband. And he was having none of it.
Then, one day my ex-husband announced a plan that he wanted me to go along with. Where, once again, he wanted to make a foolish decision and let me take responsibility for the fallout and consequences. I said no. When I refused to capitulate, his response was, “You’ll do what I want or we’re getting a divorce.”
So suddenly there I was. Sitting outside on the porch swing, balling, because the bottom just came out from under me. I was 31. I had a degree but no full-time job. I was being kicked out of my own home. And I had no idea where I was going to go or what I was going to do.
I had spent almost a decade trying to build a marriage on shifting sands. We had planned to start a family until my ex-husband took that away from me as well - after going through the ordeal of infertility and then successfully getting pregnant only to miscarry.
Through it all...through the uncertainty and my ex-husband’s emotional abuse and manipulation...I had tried to build something. To show Jesus to my ex-husband. And Jesus, I could see, was showing Himself to my ex-husband in the months preceding this event.
But in the end, my ex-husband chose to refuse Jesus and turn towards the Enemy. I mean, you could feel the supernatural division in that house. At the end, my ex-husband had moved into the guest room. And in the rooms I inhabited, you could feel Jesus’ presence very strongly. And in the guest room where my ex-husband was living, you could feel evil. That house was literally a battleground.
And there I was, in all of this, facing the fact that my marriage was done - despite all Jesus and I had put into it. That I was 31 and about to start my life over completely from scratch.
So from a human perspective, this looks totally bleak, right? I don’t know where I’m going to live. I don’t know how I’m going to earn an income. I had gone back to college during my marriage and gotten my B.S. in Graphics Technology. But there weren’t exactly a lot of opportunities where we were living, and the plan had been to have a child, so I had only been doing freelance. And charging peanuts for it because I didn’t have the confidence and self-esteem and understanding of my true value to charge what I was worth.
From a human standpoint, this looks really bleak. But here’s where I want to go with this, friend. This is where Jesus swooped in and showed that I can really, truly trust Him with everything. Everything.
1) First and foremost, Jesus provided for my needs
And I don’t mean just physical needs. I think when we generally talk about Jesus meeting our needs, a lot of the time we’re focusing on the physical aspects. In my case, it was the basics: food, shelter, income. All the things, right?
But when I was outlining this episode, the first thing that came to mind was the emotional and mental provision that He gave me. Because after that night where my ex-husband told me that I had to move out and we were getting a divorce, I could have just been lost in a sea of despair and hopelessness. I could’ve had trouble simply climbing out of bed the next morning.
But Jesus was there for me. When I woke up that next day, my brain immediately had a song playing in my head. At the time, I had a Christian band called Addison Road on my playlist. Jesus had their song “Hope Now” playing in my head before I had even opened my eyes.
And it was, no surprise, the perfect song for that moment. Because the lyrics speak to how everything comes down to faith and hope. And there’s this great line too: “When the world has broken me down, your love sets me free.”
And Jesus was telling me, “I’ve got this.” I had the song on repeat for that day. And when my mother and friend came to see me, they were shocked at how together I was. They expected me to be crying or lost or devastated...but Jesus had me in the palm of His hand. Or maybe I should say His heart.
My world had crumbled around me. And not only did Jesus end up meeting my physical needs...He met my emotional and mental ones. First and foremost. And in a way He knew I’d be highly responsive to - music.
I don’t mean to diminish the physical provision that Jesus gives us. But I think sometimes we’re so focused on the physical things - money, food, etc. - that we (a) forget that those things are nothing for Jesus (or God) to give us. God created everything, right? He owns everything. And (b) we tend to overlook the ways Jesus cares for us mentally and emotionally. Or maybe not overlook but just forget to include in our testimony.
That could have been one of the most devastating days of my life. But Jesus ensured that I knew He loved me; that He had this; and that I would be okay.
2) Secondly, Jesus drove home that hope for a better future
So several weeks later, I’m living at my mom’s. My dog and I. I’m 31. I’m waiting to hear from my ex-husband about the divorce. I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do. And in all of this uncertainty, Jesus is like, “Hey. I’ve got something better for you coming. This isn’t going to be all there is.”
He communicated this in a way that will forever remain etched in my brain
I can’t remember exactly how, but Jesus brought me to Jeremiah 29:11: “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” I ended up putting it up on my bedroom mirror via a Post-it.
Seems like a crazy idea at that time, right? I could have easily scoffed at it. And maybe I did at first; I can’t recall. I just know that Jesus didn’t wait until my circumstances got better to put that promise front and center in my life. He purposely did it when everything was uncertain and bleak. That’s why He did it. Because He knew I needed it. And because He had bigger plans for me than I realized.
This was in early 2011. It’s not 2021 - soon to be 2022. So over a decade later. And guess what, friend? Jesus came through on His promise. Which brings me to my third and final point...
3) Jesus has brought me further than I ever thought possible
This is why it’s so important for those of us who are further down the road to share our journey with others. Because if you told the Jenn that existed back in 2011 that she would be the Jenn of today, she probably wouldn’t believe a word of it.
The 2011 Jenn honestly didn’t think that she could get or keep a full-time web design job. Ten years later, Jesus has shown me how great I am at what I do and how much value I bring to the table. And right now, I’m making more than what my ex-husband made at his IT job back when we were married. I had a number two years ago that I had as a goal to hit - and Jesus surpassed it by ten grand.
The 2011 Jenn wanted to help impact people...but she needed to grow first. Grow in her self-confidence. Grow in her sense of self-worth. Be healed of old wounds. Learn how to stand on her own two feet in a way she’d never done before. Not in a way where she didn’t include Jesus - but in a way that related to her own sense of value and worth.
The 2011 Jenn had much lower goals. She was still in survival mode versus thrive mode. She was fine with very little; and Jesus had to get her to move beyond that.
The 2011 Jenn took things too literally and needed to expand her walk with Jesus. This also goes back to survival mode. Your vision is so narrow because you’re trying so badly to keep things afloat. But 2021 Jenn has a much wider vision and understanding of her relationship with Christ.
The 2021 Jenn is more free; she’s stronger; she has a deeper relationship with Jesus while, at the same time, has a much better understanding of her worth and value. Because Jesus showed that to her and she accepted.
It doesn’t mean that 2021 Jenn is perfect. Jesus is still working on me in a ton of ways. But I look back at who I was ten years ago...and you honestly wouldn’t have recognized me. Except for maybe my laugh and the gift of faith God has given me. That faith that I clung to as Jesus led me in re-building my life from the ground up.
He took what could have been the most devastating time of my life - and rebuilt a completely new Jenn. But it required obedience and faith on my part. I didn’t have a clear path or idea as to what to do. I was very lost. Because my world had fallen apart and because I wasn’t yet the kind of person who could easily pick-up the pieces.
But Jesus could. And He absolutely did - in every way. And, friend, if you let Him, He will do the same for you.
And just like that line from the Addison Road song “Hope Now” that I mentioned earlier… that goes “When the world has broken me down, your love sets me free” … Jesus can bring freedom in the most unexpected ways.