Do you find it difficult to love God? Or go deeper with Him?
Do you tend to view God through the lens of your earthly father - who was strict, abusive, or absent? Have certain teachings about God made you wary of truly trusting Him?
If any of these apply, know that you’re not alone. There are a lot of things that can affect how we see God which, in turn, directly affects how we love Him.
The good news is that God isn’t going anywhere! He’s not only patiently waiting for you to go deeper with Him…He’s going to help you get there. And today, I’m going to supply a part of that help by covering 3 specific, skewed perspectives that you can eliminate to move forward with your Heavenly Father! Let’s do it!
Show Notes:
Intro
Well, hello there friend! Welcome to today's episode - Episode 51! I’m so glad that you’re here! I’m honestly still trying to process the fact that I’ve now passed 50 episodes. So crazy!
Which reminds me…I want to remind you of two quick household items. First, in the previous episode, I made a special announcement to celebrate the release of my 50th episode. And that announcement was the launch of the new Relate Escape | Jesus Empowered Maiden online community! So if you haven’t checked that out yet…sister, what are you waiting for? Go to relateescape.com/online-community for all the details and to request your invite! You don’t even need to remember the URL - you can grab the link in the show notes. I’ve made it super easy for you!
Also, I need your help getting this podcast into the hands of other women, just like yourself, who can benefit from the content. There are now fifty, Jesus-inspired episodes that can serve women in need. And that’s my main focus with the podcast, even after fifty episodes, is to serve.
So, if you could take just a few minutes, and head on over to Apple Podcasts (formerly known as iTunes), and leave a brief review, that would be amazingly helpful. Because the more reviews or testimonials something has, the more reach it gets. And the more people are drawn to trying something and giving it a listen. So if you would be willing to do that, I would greatly appreciate it.
Alright! Enough of that! Let’s switch gears and talk about our view of God and how that affects, for better or worse, how we love God.
Because how we love God is very important, right? In Matthew 22:37, when asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind.” … Sounds like a tall order, right? Especially when we’re coming from certain life experiences or circumstances.
Yet, so much depends on how much we love the Lord. Not because how much we love Him dictates on how much we receive. This isn’t some sort of crazy equation that we need to balance. (If it were, we’d be doomed right? Because He loved us first before we ever loved Him.)
No, it’s important because that love sits at the center of our relationship with Him. The more we love God, the more we want to be aligned with His heart and His desires. The more we want to live for His vision over our own plans. The more we’re willing to let go of things in order to follow Him wherever He leads. The better we can discover our God-given calling and live that out.
How we love God is important. And how we see God determines how we love Him. And the goal is to move forward, right? To go from what you’ve known to fully accepting what you now have. There just might be some things in the way.
So let’s dig into those. Let’s look at 3 common perspectives that can skew how you see God - and what you can do about them.
1) We see God as a strict rule maker - and we’re afraid to break His rules.
This perspective can develop as a result of several things.
It can come from:
Being subjected to an abusive father or other male person.
Being subjected to some type of strict patriarchal system.
Certain religious teachings that present God as this distant, overbearing, rule-making, impersonal type of presence. In other words, God is less concerned with having a loving intimate relationship with you and more concerned with imposing rules and dictates that you need to follow. Sometimes, this is also a case where God is presented as more quote/unquote “Old Testament” than “New Testament.” Even though it’s the same God; the entire Bible is about Jesus; and things like the Old Testament law were present to show us that we can’t do it ourselves - we need Jesus.
Or it can be a combination of several of these things.
To be honest, I had a bit of this type of perspective in my early Christian days. One, because the church God called me to had a tad of this religious note running through it. And this was before He brought an outside source of legit, Jesus-based teaching into my life. And, two, because I hadn’t yet thrown off the junk that comes from growing up in our culture - where we’re taught as women to do what men say, that men know better, etc.
And I also hadn’t known Jesus for very long. Because it’s like any other relationship. The more you get to know someone, the more you see them for who they really are. Provided, of course, that you are open to casting off anything that is impeding your perspective of them.
If you’ve experienced any of the things I just talked about - abusive father, strict patriarchal system, or certain religious views - then it’s not surprising that you’d view God or Jesus through that same lens. Because it’s what you’ve known. So I don’t want you to feel shame or guilt about it. God’s aware of where you are in the process. And, again, it is a process.
But this perspective needs to be countered with the truth - which is that God is not a strict rule maker or taskmaster. A strict rule maker or taskmaster wouldn’t say what’s in Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
And a God who just wanted to make life rigid, and hard, and impersonal wouldn’t inspire what’s in Luke 12:7: “What’s the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! So don’t be intimidated by all this bully talk. You’re worth more than a million canaries.”
We also need to remember that God is a God of grace and mercy. Which is the opposite of being a strict rule maker or taskmaster. Hebrews 4:16 says: “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
And 2 Corinthians 12:9 says: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
Our God is not a God who places unrealistic or heavy expectations upon us just to see us fail. Instead, He endeavors in every way to help us and lift us up - in Him.
…that’s a completely different perspective, right? I can totally love that God. But, again, it’s a process. And I’m going to give you some practical, tactical tips on how to help that process along.
Ok, let’s move on to skewed perspective number two…
2) We see God as being super controlling
This perspective can also result from the items I mentioned earlier. When we’re in situations where our control is challenged, or taken, or even punished…then we can naturally associate that with God. And it can actually be worse because God is, well, God. So we can get into this mindset that God is all about control.
And that mindset can have numerous effects. For example, this can not only affect your ability to love God, but also your ability to partner with Him.
I’ve been a Christian for two decades, and it’s only within the last two years that I’ve come to understand that (a) God wants to partner with us (He doesn’t have to, but He wants to). And (b) what that means or looks like, practically speaking.
Prior to that understanding, though, I didn’t really pursue a partnership - especially in my early days as a Christian. Instead, I would simply wait for Him to do anything and everything. Because I just kept thinking, “Well, He’s in control. He’s God. He’s going to do whatever He wants.”
Meanwhile, God wanted to partner with me. But not understanding that; and coming from relationships that had caused me to have a victim mentality; and where I was being controlled and manipulated; and my control was limited; and I didn’t understand what a healthy relationship looks like…I didn’t get that initially. Because all these things were rolled up into a junk ball to support this skewed perspective I had that God was in total control, so why should I be proactive or do anything?
God’s not about being controlling, though. Not in that way. I mean, He didn’t have to give us free will. If He was really, truly all about control in that sense, some major things would be different. And if we get right down to it, that kind of control is how the Enemy is…not God. Though the Enemy would love for us to think otherwise.
Which brings me to skewed perspective number three…
3) We see God as wanting too much from us - to the point where we start to feel resentment towards Him.
When we come from certain situations - like abusive or toxic relationships of whatever kind - that experience can create this kind of perspective. Because in those situations, we were treated really poorly and, often, driven to endure crazy or horrible or unimaginable things for a long time.
In those experiences, you aren’t being loved or poured into. You just keep feeling sucked dry. Because the abuser, or whomever, and that situation just takes, and takes, and requires more of you. And it’s usually things you don’t want to do, or agree with, or aren’t flourishing in, etc.
So, again, it’s not surprising that this would affect our view of God. And our relationship with Him. Because even though the character of God is different from what you’ve dealt with in those experiences, it’s almost like being asked to do something - especially when it stretches you or takes you outside of your comfort zone - is a huge trigger point. Almost like PTSD, for lack of a better analogy.
So what needs zeroed in on here is God’s character…because that’s the difference. That’s not to say that your trauma, or feelings, etc. should be ignored. Lord knows we’ve had to stuff those down and keep them to ourselves long enough. We need to heal and find peace in Jesus and in whatever help is needed - such as therapy, etc.
I’m simply saying that the differentiating factor between those other situations, with those other people, and God is His character. Because, as we just saw in the Scriptures I read a few minutes ago, God is not mean, or cruel, or about pushing your buttons, or asking more than you can handle, or putting you down, or controlling you, or any of that other stuff we’ve dealt with.
So how can you overcome this perspective and its reaction? Well, let’s cover some practical tips on moving forward in this process - when it comes to this perspective as well as the other two we’ve talked about.
So what can you do to help overcome these skewed perspectives?
First, start rewiring your thinking so that you’re approaching God (and Jesus) with a blank slate. Meaning, be willing to set aside (as best you can) the past…and focus on getting to know God as an entirely new acquaintance. Give yourself space - and Him space - to connect on fresh ground. And if past experiences, and their associated mindsets and emotions, crop up and get in the way (as they very well may do - which is totally normal and pretty much expected), then give them to Jesus can let Him help you overcome those. He knows exactly what you’re dealing with, so He knows the best way to help you.
Second, dig into Scripture and additional resources focused on God’s character and His love - such as books or podcasts. God is unlike anyone else you will ever know. (And, again, I’ve known Him for 20 years so I say that from personal experience.) So, as you’re working on meeting Him on fresh terms (again, as best as you can), get to know the real Him. If you’re going to give Him a chance, give Him a fair chance based on who He really is - not on who the Enemy would love for you to see Him as. (‘Cause that’s two very different things.) If you need help finding resources, check out heartcity.church.
Third, I want you to be bold and ask God to show you His character in real life. So, for example, as you read or learn about a new aspect of His character, ask Him to show it to you. Or point out where He’s already presenting that character in your life - and you just haven’t been aware of it. Why do I want you to do this? Because you’re building a relationship with an actual person. So it can’t be just about head knowledge. It has to be worked out in real relationship. And God isn’t going to mind that you ask, trust me. He loves these kinds of requests. Because it’s about that relationship, and Him showing you all of who He is, and what He’s about. So ask. Don’t be afraid.
Sister, I know this can seem like an overwhelming journey. Going from where you are to where you ultimately want to be. But always, always remember this one major truth: nothing is impossible with God. With Jesus.
The whole reason God has called me to start Relate Escape and this podcast is because I have been on these journeys. I have gone from a place of new Christian / warped perspectives / wanting to be an empowered woman and not knowing how to get there…and all the things that go along with that…and do you know how I got there? One word: Jesus.
Sure, the process isn’t always as fast as we’d like. The journey may take more twists and turns that we’d prefer. We may make a few mistakes along the way…big or small or both…but God is faithful. He will get you there. And, being who He is, He will do it in the way that is for your good. (Which is usually a main reason why His way differs from our way; because as much as we’d like not to think about it, He knows better.)
So, sister, give yourself grace. Give yourself time. And dig into the practical implementation that I just shared. I promise you, the Love that awaits you is ridiculously amazing! And well worth the work. Love you, sister! Until next time!