During specific seasons, Jesus may need to fill the role of husband.
Maybe you’re married to an unbeliever; in a bad relationship (or recently left one); or simply single. Whatever the circumstances, Jesus needs to be “your man.”
But how does that work, exactly? How can you start seeing Him as Husband as well as Savior? And what if you have trust issues or other challenges?
Join me as I share - from deep, personal experience - how to allow Jesus in as your provider, protector, and other half!
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Show Notes:
Intro
Alright, friend, let’s talk about having Jesus as your husband. Which, if you happened to listen to last week’s episode, is probably a bit ironic because in that episode I shared that, after over a decade, God has made it clear that my season of singleness is basically at its end. I’m simply waiting for Him to reveal or introduce to me the man He has for me.
But for the past, oh, almost twenty years, Jesus has been my Husband. He had to be my husband when I came to Christ while married to an unbeliever who was manipulative, abusive, and always creating chaos. And He had to be my husband in the eleven years since my divorce when I rebuilt my life from scratch.
So this is a subject I am very well acquainted with…and I know a lot of women are, too. I keep feeling as if God is starting a major movement to set His Daughters free from a lot of things, including bad relationships. Not to mention that, as we choose to follow God over the world or the ideas from others about how we should live, that can result in us suddenly being in situations where we need Jesus to fill that extra role of husband.
Not because we’re weak, or incompetent, or incapable. (Or any of the other things that the world tries to sell to us.) Those same twenty years that Jesus was there for me, were also the same years that He transformed me into the empowered woman I am today. And that’s what a Godly marriage should be, right? Not the woman believing that she’s “less than” her partner or should be placed in a box. It’s about both people supporting and loving each other and helping each other continue to grow, transform, and be stronger. And have more impact.
Plus, we’re not meant to do everything alone. We’re transforming into Jesus empowered women…not women who no longer need Jesus.
God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are always there for us. But in certain seasons, especially ones where we don’t have that ideal human partner, we can look to Jesus specifically as our Husband.
So, how do you do that? What does it look like? And how can you overcome some common stumbling blocks? I’m going to address all of these things while sharing several very helpful tips.
Tip #1: Take the expectations that you have of your man, or for a man, and place them on Jesus.
So, here’s what I mean by this. I’m going to use my own life as an example.
I came to Christ two years into my nine and a half year marriage. And my ex-husband, despite God’s attempts to get his attention, never came to Christ during the time we were married.
This meant that I was a Christian, but my ex-husband was not. My ex was also not a great guy. He was manipulative, emotionally abusive, and was constantly creating chaos. I was always trying to keep our finances and just life in general from going over the cliff. (All the while being belittled, held back, and manipulated.) In addition, my ex was into some dark things, spiritually speaking.
Because of all of these things, I could not safely consider my ex as my true husband even though we were married. Now, I didn’t stop thinking of him as my husband. I still honored my vows, honored him, and let him see Jesus through me.
But someone who abuses you isn’t your protector. Someone who spends whatever money you have on himself or things that are a waste of money isn’t a provider. Someone who uses you instead of loves you, isn’t a partner. My ex was all about himself, first and foremost.
So all the things that I would ideally want from a good husband, I couldn’t expect from my ex. Because it wasn’t realistic. He was a slave to his sin, and he was on the other spiritual team. Like, when everything finally dissolved, you could walk into the rooms of the house where I was residing and feel the presence of God. And when you walked into the guest room where my ex was living, you felt evil.
I wanted a man who loved me, cherished me, didn’t abuse or manipulate me, who listened to me, took interest in what I did, who was living life with me instead of trying to live his own way. I wanted all of those things and more. But, unless my ex came to Jesus (which he resisted for years), he wasn’t in a place to give that to me.
So I had to make the conscious decision, and consistent conscious effort, to honor my earthly husband…but see Jesus as my true Husband. Because I needed a real Husband to walk through the rest of that marriage. And I needed to place those expectations and desires onto Someone who could meet them - and was more than willing to do so.
And I did that until my marriage ended. And I did that as I started my life over from scratch post-divorce. And I did that through the rest of my season of singleness. Because even when I was out of that bad marriage, I needed that protector, partner, and provider. And until God brought me a man that He had chosen, in His timing, placing those needs and expectations on Jesus allowed me to enjoy that season and its fruits more fully.
So whatever your particular situation or circumstance, whether you’re in a relationship or single, or what have you…take the things that you want or need and place them on Jesus. He is more than able, and willing, to be those for you.
Tip #2: Ask Jesus for the everyday help and support that you would receive from a Godly human husband.
Jesus cares about the little things. Seeing Him as your Husband isn’t just about the big idea…it’s about Him helping you in all the ways that you need as you go through life. The ways that a human husband would naturally help you.
This includes all things financial, logistical, practical, chore-related, etc. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be something that a “man” would do. It can be things that your other half would do because you’re a team.
So, for example, maybe you struggle with budgeting and finances. Ask God to help you find resources to solve that important need. Whether it’s budgeting software, or classes, or what have you.
Or, maybe you have a lot on your plate this season. There’s just a lot of things happening at once and it’s more than you can handle alone. Ask Jesus to help ease that load. To shoulder some of it for you.
Over the years, Jesus has provided help for me in so many different ways. And quite often, before I’d even seen the need or thought to ask! Because that’s what a good husband or partner does, right? He steps in when there’s a need or he can ease the burden for the person he loves.
Sister, no matter what the need or ask is, whether it’s major or sounds crazy or meta or ridiculous, just ask Jesus. Make that your new mantra! Lean on Him for everything and anything that you need. (Which is actually better than a human husband because a human has limits - whereas Jesus can orchestrate all kinds of solutions!)
Tip #3: Give Jesus the space and opportunity to earn your trust and show you that He’s the best husband you could ever wish for.
This is where we dig in and address any blockers that you may have. We all come from different backgrounds and life experiences, and some of those don’t lend to trusting others, even God, easily.
We’ve been hurt. We’ve been let down. We’ve been used or abused. We’ve been forgotten or betrayed. We’ve never had a healthy male relationship, so we don’t know what that looks like or how to navigate it. There are all kinds of things that can be blockers - if we let them.
But you don’t want to let them, right? I mean, you’re listening to this episode. So obviously something in your heart and soul wants to go deeper with Jesus in this way. And He does, too, especially if He’s the one who led you to this episode.
So how do you overcome this? How do you not let blockers be blockers?
One, as always, pray over it and surrender it to Jesus. Because He knows exactly what you’re dealing with and how to best help you overall, right? And He has the power to help you truly and fully.
But second, also allow Jesus the space and opportunity to show you His character and what He wants to do for you. In other words, choose to open your heart and mind - even if it's just a small amount - so that He can begin to show you exactly how He can - and wants - to take care of you.
And this needs to be a conscious choice. Because when you’ve experienced one thing, or life one way, you often need to experience the opposite in order to truly understand and believe it. But you need to make a conscious decision to open up to those experiences.
Jesus won’t let you down. Again, I say this from twenty years experience. If you open up to Him, He will show up for you and help you to continue to overcome whatever specific blocker or issue that you’re dealing with. He’s not going to drop the ball and fail you. He’s going to love and honor your faith and courage in opening up to Him.
And step by step, day after day, as time passes, you’ll grow into that relationship with Jesus as your husband. You’ll find that He’s the best husband you could ever imagine.
In fact, one of the bonuses of experiencing Jesus as your husband is learning, from the best source, as to what a Godly, ideal husband should look like. Obviously any human husband is not God. He’s not going to be perfect or all-powerful.
But sister, let me tell you, after experiencing Jesus as your husband while, at the same time, He’s transforming you into a more empowered woman…your standards for a man are going to be golden. The days of feeling grateful for any male attention are going to give way to knowing your worth, value, how you should be treated, and what to look for in a human husband.
And the days of wanting any husband will turn into wanting the husband - the partner - that God has specifically chosen for you.
I know this because this was my own journey and transformation.
Tip #4: Allow Jesus to heal your heart and/or your wounds.
Wounds can be another blocker to relating to Jesus in general - including as a husband. You can have wounds from being abused, abandoned, or going through the end of a marriage, or a loss of some kind.
Or, maybe it’s not a wound so much as your heart hurting because you want a husband and family so, so much…but God is calling you into a season of singleness. And you’re having a hard time accepting that.
Left alone, these things can fester and become bitter…as well as impede your relationship with the Lord. So give them to Jesus. Let it all out. You can be honest, and raw, and vulnerable, and angry with Him…He can take it. He’d rather you direct it towards Him than keep it inside.
But then also surrender it to Him. Meaning, lay it at His feet so He can help you heal in the way He knows you need to be healed. Or loved. Or cared for. Or shown what He has for you. Or new mindsets or perspectives based on God’s character and truth versus what you’ve been taught or have lived through.
Let Jesus get in there and do the work that needs to be done so that not only do you find healing…you can be closer to Him as well.
Listen, unfortunately, a lot of us women have been hurt by men. And how we view men can affect how we see God and Jesus. We can have trouble understanding what a perfect, loving, Heavenly father is like. And we can have trouble understanding what a perfect, loving Heavenly protector, provider, and partner looks like. Because we expect to be let down, hurt, betrayed, etc.
But that’s not God, and that’s not Jesus. I’ve walked through some very real, very dark times in life and Jesus always - always - saw me through to the other side. He’s never disappointed - not once.
He’s also healed a lot over the years - especially after I was Saved. And in the years after my divorce when I was no longer tethered to my ex-husband. And that healing allowed growth in almost every area.
So talk to Him. Surrender it to Him. Allow Him to heal as He protects and provides. It will all come together, sister, I promise you.
Cheers!