Ladies, the struggle to fit in is a real one. Am I right?
There's the pressure and expectations from other people, and the culture at large, to look a certain way, act a certain way, and keep within certain predefined systems. (Not to mention the ones we place on ourselves.)
But the only expectations we should be worrying about are those from God. In fact, focusing on all these other things can actually distract us from what God has in store for us - and the impact we yearn to make.
As it happens, Jesus dealt with this exact same issue during His time on Earth. So in this episode, we're going to examine Jesus's life and break down why not fitting in can actually be a really awesome thing.
Show Notes:
Intro
Hey, friend. So, I love the idea of this episode because it takes an issue that can run really deeply for women...and ties it to Jesus’ experience while on Earth. And Jesus was, and is, male.
So on the onset, it might seem a tad crazy to put these together. But it just kinda shows the brilliance of the Bible as a living, breathing book that we can always look to as women - even if we wish there were more female characters or more about the ones that were mentioned.
When we get to heaven, or when this old world falls away, I hope there’s just this amazing ladies conference where we get to hear from Mary Magdalene, and Rahab, and Ruth and just finally get to hear their full stories.
Anyway, today let’s focus on fitting in and what we can learn from Jesus.
The struggle is real…
So as I alluded to in the opening teaser to this episode, we can really struggle with feeling as if we don’t fit in or feeling as if we can’t meet or fit into the expectations of others.
This can include family and friends...but a lot of it comes from culture, right? Church culture or culture at large. As women, we’re pressured to obtain this unattainable vision of outward beauty. We’re supposed to juggle work, home, and all our obligations perfectly. We’re supposed to stay within our predefined boxes by society. All of those things and more.
What it comes down to is that, on a daily basis, we’re struggling with expectations from other systems and people.
And as Daughters of the King, we need to discern what God is calling us to do and adhering to His calling and His expectations first and foremost. Above everybody else - boxes, and strong opinions, and cultural norms be damned.
Jesus and the expectations He dealt with
Here’s where we take a look at Jesus. The arrival of Jesus had been prophesied prior to His entering of human history. And so when He came, people had an idea of what Jesus was going to do - but it was a human interpretation
This is why when Jesus started His ministry and got things rolling, the expectation from some of those around Him was that He was going to raise an army and defeat the Romans - who were in power at the time.
Jesus entered human history to die for our sins and change the face of our relationship with God - but others didn’t know or understand that at the time. Instead, they thought that Jesus had come to free them from Roman rule. Not sin.
From our perspective, it’s easy to look back and think, “Oh, how silly of them.” But we have the advantage of knowing things that they didn’t know at that point in time. And we have to be careful, because just like they couldn’t see God’s bigger plan even while God started pulling them into it, we can stand here today and be in the same place.
God may have some larger calling on our lives, with an impact that we may not even see this year, this decade, or even this side of heaven, and we can be oblivious to it. Maybe because He hasn’t revealed it to us yet. But maybe because we’re so caught up in fitting into other people’s expectations that we’re not even seeing the heavenly invite.
Jesus had a choice. He could bend to peer pressure; and the grumblings of His friends and followers; and worry more about what everyone but God thought about Him...or He could zero in on what God was calling Him to do and let everything else just fall away.
I think one of the things that we as women have to be especially careful of is the fact that one of the Enemy’s most used tactics is distraction. And when it comes to women, this can be our undoing. Because we already have this deep desire to fit in. And we struggle with feeling like too much and not enough at the same time. And so it’s a constant, prime opportunity for the Enemy to latch onto that, and get us caught up in this endless cycle of worrying about what everyone else thinks of us.
We live an age where every magazine cover we see in line at the grocery store, and any social media post, and any TV show, and any sermon we listen to, can remind us that we need to be thinner, prettier, smarter, sassier, quieter, serve more, work harder, etc.
If the Enemy can get us to focus so intently on trying to meet the expectations of others and of culture...we’ll therefore stop focusing on God’s expectations.
Because a lot of the expectations, well meaning or not, that are placed on us or before us are not what God wants for us as women. They’re just not.
Just like a lot of the expectations that were being laid on Jesus weren’t from God. He wasn’t there to raise an army, or be a military leader, or be charismatic or political, or make sure He didn’t upset the Pharisees or Romans (who were in charge of systems of the day)...or to even make the lives of His followers or the Jews easier. In fact, if anything, He was making their lives much harder.
Living with Him in poverty; traveling from place to place; eventually spreading the word of Christianity after Jesus’ death which was not warmly accepted by a lot of people.
No, Jesus didn’t adhere to anyone’s calling or expectations but those of His Heavenly Father. And by doing so, Jesus made the biggest impact in human history. Which far, far exceeded the impact that would have happened had He caved to others’ expectations instead.
Ladies, we were not created to spend our lives trying to fit into anyone’s expectations but God’s
And that starts by understanding our true identity in Christ and as a Daughter of the King. If you haven’t listened to the previous episode, Episode 9, go listen to it. Because the truth in there about why God created woman is foundational to understanding our identity. And our value. And why we need to be conscious of trying so hard to fit into systems, or the ideas or beliefs of people, that can hold us back. Or hold us captive.
Look, there is always going to be someone or something that wants us to veer us off course - including the Enemy. I don’t know about you, but I’ve found that when I start feeling really confident, or I’m facing a level of breakthrough, or I’m really aligned with who God is calling me to be...someone or something is put in my path to try and get me off course. Or ruin the confidence I have, or the progress I’m making, whatever.
The more we strive to meet God’s calling and His expectations, the more the Enemy will throw at us. The more the world will throw at us. More peer pressure, more arguments with family, whatever it may be for your situation.
And I’m not saying this to discourage you. God is with you; you’re not alone. Hopefully, you also have a community to pray over you and help support you. I only say this to drive home the point that we need to get good at recognizing the things that are stealing our focus and attention.
We need to eventually become so in tune with these things, which are probably the same bunch of things that we either get ourselves pulled into or the Enemy throws at us because we’re susceptible to them, that we see them immediately for what they are and just instantly turn away and ignore them.
I mean, imagine if every time someone in Jesus’ group brought up defeating the Romans, Jesus got side-lined. If instead of going to the next town as planned and meeting up with specific people to heal them and show them God’s love and presence and power, Jesus stopped everything and took a few days to mull over raising an army.
Again, it sounds absurd. Partly because it’s Jesus and He really knew what He was there to do. But you get my point, right? He didn’t let Himself be swayed by things that didn’t align with His calling.
And that’s what I want for all of us, ladies. I want us to lean on God to help us sift out the things we need to stop worrying over. It may not be easy. But it’s something we definitely need to get better at.
And we totally can. With God’s help, we totally can.