You know what I'm the most thankful for this year? Having walked through a very real, living-on-the-edge wilderness season with God.
I'm sure that sounds crazy! After all, the wilderness isn't exactly fun. But guess what? It can result in the most priceless and unexpected fruit.
Not to mention that, if we want to go where God leads, it's a necessity. Why? Because before God can take us into our Promised Land - or the next level He has for us - we need purified first. There are certain sins and things holding us in bondage that simply can't come along for the ride. And what God gives us in return is beyond amazing!
Join me, sisters, as I share my recent journey through the wilderness and the priceless fruit that God brought forth from that season. And why I wouldn't change it for the world!
Show Notes:
Intro
Being thankful for the wilderness. Sounds like something only God could create, right? But that’s our God. He doesn’t color within the lines of logic.
So before we get too far in, let’s quickly define what I mean by a “wilderness season.” Some of you might not be familiar with that term or concept - which is totally fine. We’re all constantly learning. Which is also why a reminder never hurts for those of us who may be more familiar with it.
A wilderness season is a temporary period of time where God is freeing you from sin or bondage - so you can continue to transform into the woman God has called you to be. As such, it’s usually an uncomfortable season. Because God is removing things that you have found comfortable - or have been clinging to even though they’re not Christ-like or good for you. And it’s usually a time when He brings you to a place where you have to rely on Him. Heavily. Even for everything.
It’s not necessarily what we would call a fun time - but the wilderness is a necessary time. It’s not uncommon for God to put you through a wilderness season before taking you to the next level or step in your calling. It’s hard for us to see it as such while we’re in the wilderness, but it’s actually a gift.
And we can take comfort in the fact that each wilderness season is temporary, even though it can often feel as if it’s never-ending. And, yes, I said “seasons” - plural. We’ll go through more than one wilderness season in our Christian walk because that’s one way God purifies us.
Real quickly before I move on to my story … If you want a great resource to learn more about the wilderness season, I highly recommend the book “One in a Million” by Priscilla Shirer. I’ll include a link in the show notes. This book played a pivotal role in my recent wilderness season, and it’s amazing in so many practical ways.
It also very closely aligns to the book of Exodus where God leads the Israelites out of Egypt and through the wilderness. Which is where this phrase and concept originates from. So you get to learn more about the Biblical story, and why God really led them through the wilderness rather than taking the more direct route to the Promised Land, as well as a ton of practical help.
Okay, onto my own journey.
Let me set this story up for you.
Back in 2019, I was not walking closely with God. It was one of those situations where I had slowly drifted from Him. I don’t want to get off track by going too far into the details. But if you want to learn more, you can visit the “Meet Jenn” page on my website: relateescape.com.
At the same time, I had been trying to get my own business off the ground. I had realized some time back that I’m ideally suited for entrepreneurship and, eventually in 2019, I was trying to launch the original version of Relate Escape - which was event planning.
Why event planning, you ask? I had done some interviews for another business idea that I had. And there seemed to be some interest by online entrepreneurs to do in-person events. Again, this was 2018/2019 … so before COVID and all of that.
So in 2019, I’m working really hard to get this event planning business off the ground. But it’s not something that God has called me to do - because I’m not really in an active relationship with Him at the time.
In addition, I had plugged into this entrepreneur community on Facebook that was not aligned to God or Christ-like ideas or how we should conduct ourselves. Instead (I came to realize later) the Enemy is there...pushing along ideas such as manifestation, and encouraging women to spend thousands of dollars that they didn’t have on courses or coaching that, in the end, didn’t deliver...and just all of this crazy, demonic stuff.
But because I wasn’t walking with the Lord...I fell prey to it. And at the time, I had this horribly toxic day job that I wanted out of. I’d been there several years and it was severely affecting my physical, emotional, and mental health. Costs kept rising where I was living, but I was stuck with this very low salary and with no way to move up where I was. I had been trying to get another day job but nothing worked. And so I eventually gave up and focused on my business.
In summary, it was all a hot mess. Why? Because I had drifted from God. That’s what it all came back to.
I wasn’t seeking His will or His guidance or His calling for me. I was doing everything solo - and I ended up opening myself up to a community, and beliefs, and things that were demonic.
And if not being closely aligned with your Heavenly Father isn’t bad enough, in and of itself, I ended up making choices that put me in more bondage. In more sin.
Despite a low salary at my day job...despite an unsuccessful business that, despite all my insane efforts, went nowhere (which I later learned was God’s grace)...I spent thousands of dollars on so-called coaches and courses that put me in an amazing amount of debt. That’s something that I would have never seen myself doing prior to this. I was always the one who wanted to be completely debt free. And there I was digging myself a very huge hole.
On top of which...I quit my toxic day job in August 2019 because I simply couldn’t stay there - without another job to go to. I took the money from my pension and just left.
Part of me wondered whether to focus on finding work - or focus on my business. I was also utterly exhausted from being in a highly toxic, and ultimately volatile, workplace for over six years.
The prudent thing would have been to rest, regroup, look for freelance work or related income...and, if I hadn’t drifted from God, pray for guidance.
Instead, I continued to make things worse for myself. I listened to the wrong people. I joined a free marketing seminar and found myself spending several thousand dollars, on top of what I had already spent, to buy a mastermind-type program that was run by a couple that I would never buy from again.
I was very quickly closing on facing homelessness and financial ruin.
And this is where God shows up - and when the wilderness season began
In August 2019, I left my day job. By the end of 2019, I am running out my pension money and have added to my debt. And instead of looking for work, I instead listen to the couple I bought the expensive mastermind from, who told me to focus on the business - even though it hadn’t made money yet.
On top of this, that same couple is hosting their first event out in CA. So once again, I do something I shouldn’t, and I purchase a ticket, and an airplane ticket, and decide to stay in the ridiculously expensive resort where the event is being hosted.
The event is in January of 2020. I flew out there...and that’s when God both stepped in to protect me - and clearly spoke to me for the first time in several years.
He protected me by making me feel weird enough not to attend the VIP dinner. Which would have put me in personal contact with not just the host couple - but their guest speakers. Who were clearly not on the side of God, let’s put it that way. They’re in touch with the other team.
He also spoke to me during the second day, I think it was. I was sitting at my table in the ballroom, and God clearly spoke to me and said, “Your business is my mission.”
In other words, my business was meant to be something God formed and worked through and aligned with my calling. But that’s clearly not how I had approached it at all, right?
So I flew back home. And despite not having steady income, I prepared to move to Ohio, because the previous October I had decided to leave where I was. And through some people I know, I settled on Columbus, OH. (Which I now know was God’s hand moving even in my crazy time of bad decision making.)
The conference where I heard God speak to me was in the beginning of January of 2020. At the end of the month, I drove out to Columbus, found an apartment complex that I felt inexplicably drawn to, and put things in motion to move when my lease was up in April of 2020.
I came home. I made another stupid mistake of investing in a local coach that I had initially only meant for coffee because we both had happened to be at the event earlier that month in CA.
And as time passed, and as April got closer, when I needed to prove my income to my new apartment, I was *this* close to being homeless. I was spending more money I didn’t have. (On a coach that I know the Enemy sent to help ruin me - though I didn’t see it at the time.) And what money I did have was running out.
I remember sitting on my bed, talking to God for the first time in a while, saying, “You wouldn’t let me be homeless, would you?”
He didn’t. But He also didn’t just step in and magically fix everything, either. He provided...but He also immediately put me in reliance on Him.
Enter the wilderness…
About a month before I needed to move, God first told me to stop working on Relate Escape as it was then. That was the first clear instruction I received after Him speaking to me in CA where He said, “Your business is my mission.”
So I did. I stopped.
Then, out of nowhere, I got contacted about a temporary contract job for a major corporation. There wasn’t even an interview process, because I had signed up and added myself to an online platform that someone had suggested to me a while back. This company just picked me and hired me.
And I was able to ask their HR department for a letter to prove my income, which allowed me to square things away with the apartment complex in Columbus. And the apartment I got was so Jenn perfect.
There were also certain things I had put off doing because I had been afraid to commit to the move. Such as disconnecting my internet service. Even though it’s not like I could have stayed where I was. But God prodded me to do these things before the job came through. Why? Because He was immediately establishing my reliance on Him again.
So I moved to Columbus at the end of April 2020 - right as everything was getting locked down due to COVID. I got here. I’m exhausted from moving and all the stress of the months prior when I was wondering what would happen, etc.
I do the contract job God has gotten me. I file for unemployment just in case I qualify for it. And for a bit, I’m thinking I’m okay. I have income coming in from the contract job. I’m assuming unemployment might come through.
But...the contract job ends in June or July. And unemployment hasn’t come through. So I started applying for 9-5 jobs. I got plugged in with a local agency. I spruced up my LinkedIn. I spent hours applying to jobs all over the place. I have a couple interviews, but I’m not hired. I can’t even get an answer about unemployment. I email my entrepreneur contacts about being available for freelance work. Nothing.
And all the while, I’m wondering what God’s plan is. Because I’ve already realized how much I’ve messed up. I want to get a job not only to pay my bills, but to start paying off my debt. But that’s not what’s happening.
What is happening is that God brought a new Christian friend into my life, someone He also brought to Ohio at about the same time. And it quickly becomes apparent that He’s brought us together for a reason; that He’s working through that friendship.
What is happening is that God motivates me to buy a new Bible version...and for the first time in several years, I’m reading the Bible again.
What is happening is that I’m praying daily...something I also hadn’t done in years.
What is happening is that I disconnect from social media, including the entrepreneurial community that was not of God. And God helps me fight back against the last coach I hired who is now gaslighting and bullying me to pay her even though she has no legal right to.
And...last but not least...God makes it very clear that we’re entering a wilderness season. Remember the book I mentioned earlier? I own very few physical books. But several years ago, I had bought that book to go through with an old roommate, and I still had it. And one day, when I had planned to do some things online, we “happened” to lose power. And God was like, “You need to read this book.”
God knows I do not do subtly! He made it very clear. But He also, in His insane provision, made sure I had a book on hand to essentially walk me through what a wilderness season is.
I mean, I can’t tell you how many times I read that book. There are highlights all over that thing. And as this season stretched out, I depended on it, as well as the Bible, to help me understand and get through it.
And I do mean it stretched out. My contract job ended in June or July. And I kept expecting something...a job or unemployment or something...to come through. Especially when it got to the point where I couldn’t pay my credit card bills. I was out of cash. I couldn’t believe God would allow that to happen.
And then...by the beginning of 2021, I couldn’t pay my rent - which I had been charging on cards for several months. I was facing losing my home, and I was constantly getting calls from my several credit cards, and still nothing.
I was at the edge. Again. And I was kinda shocked. Here I was, wanting to get a job and start paying down my debt...and God was doing the exact opposite. How could God want me to default on my lease? Or not have money to pay the electric bill? Or buy dog food for my Greyhound? How could God want me to be under the stress of creditors calling me daily, wanting their money? They were being sensitive to the pandemic, but it’s still money that’s owed.
This is where I was in the early part of 2021. Relying on God for everything...for something to come through. Not my way, but His way. Not my plan, but His plan.
He ensured I got $200 that paid for dog food and other things. My new friend bought me laundry detergent so I could wash my clothes. I signed-up for SNAP. I applied for a local fund to help cover rent. But still wondering...when will this wilderness season end? How will it end?
And then in February...I contacted the local agency I had plugged into about a job I saw on their board. And then I got an interview. And then I quickly got hired. And they accepted the rate I told them I needed. (One that covered my expenses, including my credit card payments. And that is 10k more than the number I had wanted to hit back when I was job hunting in PA.)
I caught up on my rent - and have since renewed my lease. I caught up on my credit cards. I’ve started saving money and paying down debt. And after a few months, God gave me a whole new vision for Relate Escape. One based on His calling for my life and His desire for His daughters. It’s about Him now.
Things are looking up logistically in a lot of ways...but here’s the real point, friend.
As hard and long and painful as that wilderness season was...it was necessary.
Why? First and foremost, God needed me to be back in His fold. I had drifted so far from Him, it was crazy. I had lost Him and I had lost who I was - and was meant to be. So God needed to get me back in relationship with Him. Not by force. But by making me hand over the reins that I never should have had. By me getting back in the Word, and in prayer, and reacquainting myself with Him.
Second, I needed to be purged. Again, the wilderness season is when God removes sin or things we were in bondage to. I needed purged of the new age beliefs I had picked up (like manifesting your profit or destiny). I needed purged of the lies I had come to believe about myself. I needed purged of a couple friendships that I couldn’t take with me into this Promised Land. There was a whole lot of stuff that needed to go.
And in return, there was a whole lot that needed to be reset and redeemed and restored. My relationship with God and Jesus. New Godly community. My calling and thus Relate Escape. My financial outlook.
‘Cause here’s the thing...as hard and painful as that season was...I am very grateful for it. Believe me when I say that I will never, ever get myself into a situation again where I cannot pay my bills. From my sin and foolishness. That doesn’t mean I won’t follow God in faith, and do things that the world might see as a risk. But there’s a difference between being irresponsible with what God gives you...and being shackled by the Enemy...and being responsible with what God gives you while also trusting Him to step out in faith. And understanding that difference.
I am also so, so very grateful to be aligned with the calling God has for me. Which is naturally aligned with how I’m wired and what I enjoy.
And I’m exceedingly grateful to be back in relationship with God and Jesus. And I can honestly say that my relationship with them is much deeper than it’s ever been before. Despite a wilderness season that took me to the edge, God has brought me to a place where I understand His love so much better than I ever have.
I don’t look back on that season and curse God for it. I’m glad for it because it was a gift. And it’s a gift that keeps on giving because now here I am, sharing and serving you and other women like you (and me), and I know Jesus has some plans. God is moving.
Also know that God wasn’t punishing me in that season. He wasn’t setting me up to fail or get what I deserve. He was getting me back on the right path, purged of all those things, so that I could enter the Promised Land. God had more for me...but I was so far off the path...He needed to do some serious work to get me back on it.
That’s love, lady. That is a Love that will never let you go. And if that isn’t worth be thankful for, I don’t know what is.