Have you ever struggled with the idea of "partnering with God"?
I used to - and, boy oh boy, was the struggle for reals. I couldn't understand how that was supposed to work. I mean, aren't we supposed to just pray and then God does His thing? If we "partner" with God does that we mean see ourselves as equals? Wouldn’t be trying to take control?
Thankfully, God revealed the underlying issue to my confusion. Turns out that something from my past - which is full of abusive and toxic relationships - was affecting how I understood prayer and God's provision.
So in today's episode, sister, I'm going to share just what that blocker was so that you, too, can have clarity and be more empowered. Lets do it!
Show Notes:
Intro
Prayer is always a tricky subject isn’t it? There are so many facets to it - and so perspectives that have been taught. And just in and of itself, it can be a hard thing to wrap our heads around. It’s kinda right up there with the Trinity.
One of the ways I’ve struggled with understanding prayer more recently is this idea of “partnering with God.” There’s an amazing Christian entrepreneur whose podcast I listen to. In fact, during the wilderness season that I talked about in my previous episode, God was using her podcast in a very powerful way to get me aligned with Him in general - and with how a Christian business should be done. And how to find our God-given calling.
Anyway, she would use the phrase “partner with God” quite a lot. And I’d heard that before, maybe a handful of times, but this was the first time I really felt like God was driving that phrase home for me.
At the same time, like I said, I was in a wilderness season. I’ve got no income; nothing I’m doing (and I was doing all the things) was working; things are getting dire (to the point where my credit cards are calling and I can’t pay my rent)...and I’m praying and trusting God...but I was also wrestling.
I was wrestling with how to balance praying to God for what I need, like the Bible tells us to, and what actions I should take. I was already doing all the actions that would hopefully end in getting a good paying job, or finally getting a response from unemployment. But as things got more desperate, I thought, “Do I apply for lower paying jobs and risk not qualifying for SNAP anymore?”
What should I do? How far do I go? And what does this partnering with God look like, exactly?
I had operated previously with the idea that you try things. And if it’s a door God wants you to walk through, He opens it. And if not, He keeps it closed. But sometimes things are more grey than that. And this was one of those times. I was really confused as to how His sovereignty and my abilities or actions were supposed to work together. Particularly during a wilderness season when God was clearly dictating things in a certain way. One that was quite different from the way I thought things should go.
Well, through all of this, God ended up revealing to me that I had a blocker that was keeping me from understanding the “partner with God” concept. Something from my past that includes abusive and toxic relationships. And it’s something that God has done a lot of work in since then - but it was rearing its ugly head and blocking this issue of prayer and partnering with God.
What was that thing?
It was a victim mindset. That was the issue.
Probably not the answer you were expecting, but stick with me and you’ll quickly understand how this plays out.
Now, not surprisingly, this wasn’t the first time that my victim mentality had affected my relationship with God. When I was a baby Christian, it wasn’t uncommon for me to expect God to do whatever He wanted - and I would just react or deal with it.
It’s like I took the mindset that we develop in toxic or abusive relationships where your partner or whomever is constantly controlling everything, and manipulating everything, to the point where you just wait for them to do whatever they want. And then you deal with the repercussions of that.
Because that’s the cycle. That other person has the power; we don’t. The other person is dictating what we should do or don’t do; and it’s very difficult, if not impossible, for us to have any power over ourselves. Right?
And so what happened was...even though, intellectually, I knew God was not like a toxic or abusive or manipulative partner...that's not His character...I was still living with this victim mindset. ‘Cause these things don’t instantly disappear when we accept Christ. They’re still there - for God to eventually remove as we grow and change.
And that was the case with me. I would pray for things - and God early on gave me the gift of Faith. But still, because of this victim mentality, I would just sit back and wait. And expect things to “magically” materialize.
I’ll give you an example. Back in 2011, when my now ex-husband said that we’d be getting a divorce, that meant I would be starting my life over with no job and no money. I had faith that God would provide. But as I was talking to a friend on the phone the next morning, she said emphatically, “You need to go to the bank right now and move money from your joint checking account to one in your own name.”
In other words, it’s great to lean on God. But there was practical action that I could take on my end. Instead of just sitting back and waiting for something to happen.
And it was a good thing I did that. Because that money got me through.
My victim mindset was informing a version of prayer, or an expectation of God, where I didn’t use the power I already had. I was used to being powerless.
Now don’t get me wrong. God is sovereign. And God can do miracles. And He definitely provides - He’s done that for me in dire situations numerous times in my life.
But He also doesn’t call us to sit back and do nothing. He doesn’t call us to not be empowered. He doesn’t want us to ignore the things we can do; solutions that currently exist because of either provision He already placed before us or because of things we’ve already done.
This reminds me of that story someone came up with once where a modern day flood came and a man climbed onto his roof and prayed for God to rescue Him. I can’t recall this exactly, but I think something like a helicopter comes and the man declines to get on board because God is going to save him. And then a boat arrives and the man declines again because God is going to save him. But in the end, after declining these attempts to rescue him from the flood, he drowns and dies. And when he gets to heaven, he asks God why he didn’t save him. And God says something like, “I sent a helicopter and a boat...what more did you want?”
In other words, God provided several ways to be rescued. But the man was expecting a miracle...and he chose not to take the rescue offers before him...and so he died.
I think this story is meant to illustrate the religious view out there that is also very closely related to how we’re talking about the victim mentality here. Which is that for a lot of religious churches, it’s not about being active and going out in God’s power. It’s about staying safely within the church walls and just praying and assuming God will miraculously deliver.
And in all honesty, the church I was going to during my years as an early Christian was like this - so that was probably also an influence. But the bigger issue was that I was simply waiting and expecting God to take care of everything.
I wasn’t an empowered partner. Which brings us back to that phrase “partner with God.”
What I’ve learned, sister, is that God definitely has the bigger picture. He’s definitely sovereign. He definitely wants us to come to Him in prayer about anything and everything. Prayer is actually a big part of how we partner with Him.
But action is the other part of that. I’m not saying that we don’t seek His direction or seek His wisdom - or those of Godly counsel. But we can’t stay in a victim mindset. For one thing, we’re no longer victims. And we’re certainly not a victim of God, right?
But God wants us to be empowered, too. He doesn’t want us to just sit around and wait for miracles all of the time. God works through things in this world - jobs, connections, community, etc. God calls us to take part in life - not just sit around and wait for Him to do anything.
So if you’ve been praying for something, and it’s not happening (like with me praying for income and financial breakthrough during my wilderness season), that could be for a lot of reasons. It could be because God has His timing, or maybe He has something better for you...or for some other reason.
But, if this victim mentality issue that I’ve been talking about is resonating with you, it could be that your expectations of prayer and God’s provision need to be readjusted.
And maybe, just maybe, God is trying to nudge you out of that mentality and onto the path of being an empowered partner.
My financial breakthrough...my finally getting a job...was due to both God’s plan and timing - and my actions. I visited the online job board of a local agency. And I had reached out to them before about previous positions and nothing had happened. But in that moment when I faced losing my apartment, I pinged them about this job I saw. One that may or may not have been a fit. I can’t say that it even really appealed because I had been looking for jobs with another focus.
But I reached out. And before I knew it, I had an interview. And with that one interview, I was basically hired. They agreed to the amount I quoted them as far as what I needed salary wise. And while the job was originally supposed to be part-time, they moved me to a full-time workload before I had even started. This agency that I’m contracted through also pays weekly - which meant I was more easily able to catch-up on rent and bills.
And that job ended up being a really great fit for me. In a lot of ways.
But I had to reach out and ask. I had to be willing to take control and say, “Okay. I don’t know if this will be a fit. I don’t know if anything will happen. But I’m going to be empowered and take action. And if it doesn't work, I keep on going.”
I also had to fight not to get an eviction on my rental record. If I hadn’t spoken up to my complex, and fought against the process, I would be carrying an eviction on my record right now if I hadn’t done that. Which obviously would hurt any future moves that may happen.
But that required not operating from a victim mentality. And just sitting back and assuming God would magically take care of it all.
And I get it, sister. I’m not glossing over the truth about that victim mentality. It is really, really difficult to rewire ourselves away from that. I’m not saying it’s simple; it’s a process. And don’t forget God has your back.
But isn’t it interesting that in a wilderness season, where God was purging me of things and getting me back into a relationship with Him, He was also teaching me how to partner with Him? How to be empowered in Him? To take action while also praying and giving my needs to Him?
That’s what it means to partner with God. And that’s why - whether that victim mentality is an issue during your current prayer struggles or not - it ultimately needs to go anyway.
We’re not victims. We’re empowered. By God. And by Jesus.