God has been hitting me with some hard truth in regards to how I love, value, and care for myself.
Turns out that, in two key areas of my life, there’s been a big disparity between how God loves me and my own beliefs and actions.
These areas are core aspects of who I am - which means a tough (but immensely powerful) transformation. One that requires aligning with the Kingdom over culture.
Join me as I dig into these two common areas of struggle so you can better align with how God loves you!
P.S. If you’d like to check out Horacio Printing, you can do so at: https://bit.ly/HoracioPlanner. Use the code EMPOWEREDDREAMS to save 10%!
Show Notes:
Intro
Jesus is really good at throwing curve balls sometimes, isn’t He? If you listened to my winter recap episode, released at the end of March, then you know that Jesus has been driving home that He wants me to dream BIG. And along with that, He wants to resurrect childhood dreams - including writing a book. (Something He is specifically calling me to do.)
So, logically, that means the next step would be to start tackling the book, right?
Yet so often, God’s ways are different from our ways - because He is wiser and has our best interests at heart. So instead of the next step consisting of content ideas, etc.…Jesus decided that we needed to work on two very sensitive areas. Ones that are core aspects of who I am and will require some major rewiring of my mindsets, beliefs, and actions.
From a human perspective, that’s not exactly going from Point A to Point B is it? But to Jesus, it totally is.
Because Jesus is concerned with much more than just goals or the doing of things. He’s concerned about our welfare. Our health - spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally. He’s not going to open something up to us without ensuring that we do it in a healthy way. (You’ll see exactly what I mean in just a bit.)
This is actually one of the biggest mental shifts I’ve had to make since coming back into close relationship with God after being adrift for a few years. It was during that time that I entered the secular entrepreneurial space - which is filled with ideas and concepts that align with culture versus God’s kingdom.
For example, the secular entrepreneurial space is all about working long hours - aka the “hustle.” It’s about working from a place of exhaustion (versus rest which is where God calls us to work from). The results are all up to you (versus God taking on the heavy lifting). Etc.
But as a Christian entrepreneur, I’m first and foremost living out the calling that He’s placed on my life. God’s focused on bringing me back to doing the things that bring me joy - like being creative - because that’s how He created me. But He also wants me to be living well. He wants me to be healthy. He wants me to be in a good place so that as He grows Relate Escape, which is His mission more than it is my business, it’s a blessing in my life - not a burden.
Because that’s what a loving Heavenly Father does. He only gives His Daughters good gifts, and places them on paths that are blessings.
But ensuring that things are healthy can mean that some serious transformation is in order. And recently, God has highlighted two core areas that need to change in my life. Ones that are very common areas of struggle for a lot of women.
First, Jesus showed me that I was…
1) Placing too much value on my level of output - instead of keeping my value based on who I belong to (aka God).
Now, I want to start off with a cautionary word: because this issue may not be highly self-evident. As was the case with me.
I’ve known Jesus for over two decades. I’ve been aware for a long time that God calls us to work from a place of rest - while culture tells us the opposite. I also know that my value is in who I am (aka a Daughter of the King and a follower of Christ) - while culture says that my value is in a bunch of other things such as how busy I am.
That’s a pretty predominant message in our American culture, right? Especially when it comes to the workplace or careers. There’s this emphasis on many things we are doing.
Are we multitasking - and doing it well? (As if that’s even possible; science has proved that it isn’t.) After all, culture says, the busier we are, the more important we are. The more value we have. We must be doing all the things, all of the time.
I’ve been aware of this dichotomy between the Kingdom's way and the culture’s way for a while. Doesn’t mean I’ve been perfect at it. But the idea wasn’t new to me. And, as someone who is naturally super productive, with God’s grace, I’d made progress over the years in slowing myself down.
But apparently, it was time to take this lesson to a new level. Because God has lovingly pointed out to me that I’ve been putting more on my plate than I can handle.
In short, I’ve been placing unrealistic expectations on myself and, as a result, have been trying to stick to a very unattainable and unbalanced schedule.
Not surprisingly, I’ve been struggling to keep up. And yet, I didn’t take it as a sign that something was wrong.
All I could see were my goals and the list of things that I wanted to accomplish. And I wanted to perfectly accomplish my to-do list. If I missed a workout, for example, or didn’t get an extra podcast episode done, I felt as if I had failed.
That’s definitely not a healthy place to be in. It’s also not a loving place to be in.
Because I was loving myself based on my ability to meet the unrealistic expectations that I had set for myself. (Note: That I had set for myself. It’s not as if Jesus set these.)
Now, there are two main things that are wrong with this:
First, our value as Christians is in who we belong to - aka God. It’s about who we are - not what we do.
Sure, we’re not to be lazy. Yes, part of the natural result of our relationship with God is to do good works.
But God doesn’t call us to work ourselves to exhaustion. Or to strive for goals - whether they are self-assigned or God assigned - that are unattainable.
God is about rest. He rested on the seventh day of creation as an example. That’s how important rest is. In Matthew 11, we also have Jesus saying that His “yoke is easy and His burden is light.”
The world calls us to over burden ourselves and work ourselves into exhaustion because it keeps us from Who and what matters most. God calls us to focus on Who and what matters and let Him handle the larger burden.
All that to say, I’ve come to realize that I need to stop aiming for unrealistic goals and results.
The second thing that wasn’t healthy was that I was assigning value based on what I got done (or didn't get done).
In other words, not only was I creating an unrealistic schedule (based on unrealistic timelines), but I was also basing my value on whether I perfectly achieved it.
That’s not the Kingdom way, right? God does not call us to be perfect - or to place our value in obtaining perfectionism.
Again, it’s not about what we do; or about how much we do; or if we do it perfectly. It’s about who we are. And if we’re focusing on our relationship with Jesus, and being obedient to what He’s calling us to do, and making consistent and steady progress (in a healthy way!), that’s all that matters.
I can be a productive person who is following a plan. But God is teaching me to have a balanced schedule (balanced being the key word there), based on realistic goals and timelines, and not assign value to myself based on perfection.
The big idea here is that I need to shift my thinking, and thus my actions, to align with a Godly, Kingdom mentality. I need to be aligned with where my value truly lies, which brings me to the second area that Jesus is focusing on for change…
2) Placing too much value on what I think my body should look like
Sister, full confession. This is actually a very sensitive and deep-running issue for me. And I’m about to get very real with you. Because I know that I’m not the only woman out there that deals with this.
If I’m to be bluntly honest, I’ve had negative body issues for as long as I can remember. Pretty much my entire life.
Maybe it’s because my abusive father called me names that had a negative connotation towards my body - especially once I hit puberty and started getting really tall. Names like “string bean” and “bean pole.” (He certainly didn’t make me feel beautiful or special.)
Maybe it’s because, as I entered adulthood and my body changed, I began to dislike certain parts of my body. For example, my legs are thick and veiny. I also have a genetic condition that causes the bottom part of my legs, right where they meet my feet, to be puffy. That’s just their normal state.
On top of which, I’ve also gained weight in the past several years due to stress and the fact that my body isn’t meant to sit all day. I didn't make a point of being proactive and offsetting the weight gain when I could have. So I’ve gone from a size 10 back in 2011 to a 2X.
I’m working on losing weight and getting back to a place where I feel like myself again - as gaining weight affects your physical sense of self. But I have all of these negative thoughts about my body due to the weight. It’s been so bad that I don’t even like looking at photos of myself.
What God has recently made clear, though, is that He specifically made me to be who I am and loves everything about me.
And, along with that, He’s pointed out that I’ve been downgrading my value as a person because I don’t meet this cultural ideal that I’ve longed to be. (For example, having non-veiny legs that are thin and sleek.)
Not to mention that my desire to lose weight, and be closer to that ideal, has caused me to set unrealistic expectations when it comes to my schedule and working out.
This is all very tough for me to admit to. I mean, this is a very hardcore and sensitive subject for me…one with some long and deep roots…as it is for a lot of other women, I’m sure. We can look to causes - an abusive dad, growing up in a culture that showcases one idea of beauty, etc. But when it comes down to it, to break free and move forward, this is a change we as individual women and Christians need to make.
As He’s reminded me, God created each of us to be unique Masterpieces. We need to embrace that - and the love He has for us. And embrace it more than just on the surface. Because I think this is an area where we can be really good at nodding our heads when the subject comes up…but then not really letting in any real change.
Because this is a hard thing to even think about changing. It’s a huge mindset shift.
But let’s be real. As much as I would love to have lower legs that aren’t puffy…that’s simply never going to be. And as much as I want to lose a ton of weight ASAP, that’s not realistic.
So the question is…do I want to spend another 40 years hating my body? Whether it’s because of something genetic that I can’t change, or because I want unrealistic results for what should be healthy change?
Is that honoring the God who created my body? Is that loving Him and, in turn, loving myself?
Do I want to continue placing such a high - and detrimental - value on what my legs look like or what size clothing I currently wear?
God created me and values me so much that He sent His only Son to die so that we could be in a relationship. Do I really want to essentially thumb my nose at that kind of love by refusing to love the body He gave me?
I know that sounds harsh, but that’s because the disparity between the Kingdom’s way and the world’s way is so massive.
Sister, I’ll be honest with you…I’m still processing all of this. And I’ve started bringing this to Jesus, asking for His help in making this crazy and scary change - because I can’t do it without Him.
I know this is going to be a process; this isn’t going to change overnight.
But here, at the starting line, I do know that I need to really, truly accept a few facts. I need to accept that:
God loves, and values me, just the way that I am. Puffy legs and extra weight and all.
I need to ask Him to help me see myself as He sees me. Because my lens - my perspective - needs to change.
I need to definitively decide that I want to transform from having a worldly mindset to a Kingdom one. The key word there is “want.” Not “forced.” Not doing it grudgingly. To understand that, as hard as this is, it is a gift. And to willingly open my hands and heart to it.
I need to give myself grace and remember that this is a long-term process. I’m sure the Enemy would love nothing more than for me to get caught up in a cycle of shame, guilt, etc. for not making enough progress. To essentially get stuck in another type of unrealistic thinking. But this change is meant to bring freedom - not another form of captivity. So I need to keep the right focus.
Wrap-up
Alright, sister. Deep breaths, right! Let’s surface from all this heavy talk just a bit.
I pray that you found this episode helpful and inspiring - even as I’m obviously still working through things.
Before I go, I want to offer some additional resources to help you with your own progress.
First, if you want some really amazing, highly practical guidance on creating a balanced schedule, I highly recommend checking out the Dreamer Planner and related products by Horacio Printing.
Polly Payne is a Christian entrepreneur and the owner of Horacio Printing, and God has been using Polly - and tools like the Dreamer Planner - to help me learn how to dream AND create a balanced schedule. Because Polly’s planners contain exercises that align with the Kingdom's way of planning.
God also used a workshop that Polly put on recently to help point out how I was overscheduling and where, practically speaking, I needed to adjust. I highly recommend checking her out.
You can find a website link AND a code for 10% off in the show notes.
Second, if you want to continue the discussion from today’s episode with other women like yourself, you can join the online Relate Escape community. It’s free. It includes 1:1 access to myself. And I keep a very safe space. The link to join is also in the show notes.
Third…and this is more of a disclaimer than a resource…but, I want to make it very clear that I am not saying that working out or losing weight is bad. I’m still doing my workouts because they’ve improved my energy, stress levels, and overall health. And I do want to get back to a weight where I feel more like myself.
I just want to make it clear that I am not saying, nor do I believe, that losing weight in and of itself isn’t bad. We just need to be doing it for healthy reasons.
As humans, when we decide that something is amiss, we tend to want to either throw the whole thing out or do the complete opposite. But that’s not necessarily the best option. One extreme can be just as detrimental as the other. Jesus might not want to be placing the wrong kind of value on my appearance, but He does want me to be healthy.
And empowered. There’s nothing wrong with deciding we want to get rid of our annoying arm flab, for example, because we’re tired of tight sleeves. If we want to make a change, we should be empowered to make it. We just need to ensure our mindsets and hearts are in the right place.
And that, as Forrest Gump would say, is all I have to say about that. I hope my openness and honesty has inspired you to move forward courageously with Jesus. I know it’s scary - I’m living it! But, to be honest, I’m also excited about the freedom these changes will bring.
Cheers, sister!